I was scheduled for open heart surgery the evening of October 9, however due to a administrative error it had to be rescheduled for the very next morning. The error was a lack of my type of blood, but it was not discovered until after I had my presurgery anesthesia. First thing the next morning I get my presurgery anesthesia again. From the upper corner of the Operating Room, I watched the routine open heart surgery proceed, when the anethesiologist informed the surgeon “we’ve lost him”. “How could that be”? The surgeon’s confusion was evident in his reply. I had died. The next thing appearing in my consciousness was the sensation of my attention turning toward the corner of the room, and the juncture where the walls meet the ceiling began to lose their definition as they were being absorbed by the most intensely brilliant light I had ever known. As the turning continued all that I knew myself to be, at that time, was merged into that light. I rested in this impersonal state of knowing all of this was completely necessary and I was at peace. I had never in my 13 years of life known that depth of calmness, stillness, peace .
I was returned to my room after only three days in the Intensive Care Unit, instead of the three weeks scheduled. My surgeon came to visit because, as he put it, “you were gone for so long, I knew you would be a vegetable if you should wake up, when I heard you were awake and singing I had to come see our little miracle child”. I did not ponder his statements, I knew!
The next few years were drastically different in terms of content. Everything had a much deeper meaning and I expressed a different perception on things than my peers. I had a need to share my thoughts with my mother as she prepared dinner and on several occasions she remarked “boy, I gave you life and I don’t know you anymore, there’s no way you should know the things you do from the life you’ve lived”. I did not question her statements nor offer any explanation. I knew!
Years of searching for others that knew led me to the Kyballion, The Upanishads, Hermetic Philosophy, The Secret Teachings of All Ages, Ram Dass, Eckert Tolle, Mooji Baba, Maharishi Maresh Yogi, Yogananda, Buddha. I found agreement and kinship with the essence of all these teachings and the knowing I possessed.
I decided to share that knowing with all that would listen, that is until my two bedroom apartment filled to the brim with visitors to the point my partner felt out of place. So I stopped the sharing by conversation and decided to write it in the form of songs and produced a CD of spirituality based songs. The chorus line of one song reaffirmed the essence,
“You and me, and he and she, now we must Love, here and now we must Love”
It turned out that the more I let it flow from me the more there was to share. So I consolidated the essence of the experiences unfolding in my life into my published work “It Is This I Am”!
